Im sorry...

Im never good at goodbyes or breaking uncomfortable news to anyone...yet in life these things sometimes seem unavoidable...how i wish thgs could have been easier and better for all parties involved...at ths present moment..i feel soo low..so sad..so so sad...it doesn't hurt me..but it touches me deep within...yeah..life is about choices..n obstacles that we have to face at not our given time..how I wish it wasn't now...back then when there was not a single option to weigh..God Almighty shed some lite..n there rite in front of us was the way..the only way..but it was a good way..the path it took us was very comfortable to me..of course there were a few minor glitches but that's normal..we r all human n we r bound to make mistakes..

I wish i could prolong this..i didn't expect it too be soo soon..i felt like i was betraying...i kept assuring yet i still did it..how i wish i could make it better....Im just a follower..I cannot command the decision...It wasn't my call..yeah it was discussed..I truly understand the point why we arrived at this junction..it was for OUR best interest..i do agree in certain ways..n given the consequences that it does not add up to single cent burden to us..makes it a harder to avoid..

No ths is not a blaming post..nor indicated to anyone..its just a voice from within..trying to come to terms with it..tear after tear thinking about it..praying its for the best n praying that ths decision will benefit more for the one...Im sorry..Im sooo sorry..just thinking about it makes me cry...Im sooooo sorry..for taking away..i understand how u feel..i trully do...i wish it wasn't me who hurted u..i am the last person who wants to do this to u..U have been kind..U treated Well..thank you..thank you..thank you..I hope itll be a better journey for u...n as they say andai ada jodoh...kembali lah kita...i hav no regrets n i highly appreciate u..thank you again..n sorry...

BIG BIRD...

I forced myself to weigh myself ths morning...after a feast of makan-makan last week..can u imagine from eating Bangok Kitchen, to Sri Ayutthaya and ended last weeks weekday with dinner at LA La Chong..courtesy of Lady Q so u cud imagine my gerun ness nak tip the scale... So in the wee hours of the morning I rubbed my eyes again n again..kot i was day dreaming..I lost another KG...HELLUJAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! happy nya felt like dancing..ngeh ngeh ngeh... I lost 1 kg on 11th june now in another in a fortnight!!! i dunno if ot was the breastfeeding or the corset..whatever..as long as it keeps doing it..im happy..*thou i thk its the BF..currently in the office I've been pumping like there's no tommorow..stopping only for a few intervals..i don't go to the pump every 2 hours norm anymore..i just pump n pump..result = i can get 15-16OZ from 9am to 5pm..i know to some that's not very impressive but its a big deal to me... so as a result of my constant pumping session ive been hungry..n real hungry.. been munching on biscuits to satisfy my tummy...

Why is losing weight making woman all over the world so paranoid???..well for me it means a lot..Y bcoz I'm tall n not many Malaysian female hav the same height range as i..i hav broad shoulders..thanks for the swimming sessions during primary days...n i also have Big Br**T.. which again is not an average to most malaysian.. so in our society Im considered BIG..BESAR bla..bla..bla whatever..It use to irratate me BIG TIME..i wish i could just shout at the person n say "Hey my BMI is below average!! is urs??? just because I have Bib B**St n have broad shoulders n hav the height u see me as a huge GIANT or what!!!" at present my BMI is 21.63 if i can reach my goal weight (like my pre marriage days....) my BMI wud be 19.84 n still they'd b ppl telling me Im BIG... ooh another thg that irritates me is that wen ppl say "u hav to watch ur weight wen ur preganant..if not ull balooon up..!!! hey..as if I don't know..n so what IF i do..r u going to pay for my slimming treatment???? I was considered average in my primary days back in Nottingham..i wasn't towering over anybody n It felt good..just that here in malaysia I feel like an ostrich sometimes..a BIG OSTRICH...or better still BIG BIRD...

Not that im arrogant or what..or that i cannot take any comments..its just that..be a bit sensitive to ppl..sometimes they already know..u don't have to shove dettol to their wounds..maybe they had a bad day..n by giving these ppl comments that u know mite offend them...is not nice.. don't get me wrong..no one over the past few weeks has gaven negative comments on my weight.. it just triggered me to write an entry on this as I for one hav been thru the yo yo weight..ive been plump..i mean plump during my secondary days..but Ive had my days of being slender too...at one time my weight was only 53Kg.. but i looked like a skeleton..Im thankful thou I have huge Br**St I dont have a wide or BIG BUTT..(C God almighty is fair)..my mom n only aunt is tall...my mom is super duper slim..my aunt..has excess flab here n there..but u will not say she's fat..coz she has the height so looking at both my precedent..Id say I mite end up in between..as of now..Im starting my days with Milo+oat for breakfast...so that i don't have to eat anythg heavy..n hope it wud soak my cholestrol as they claim it do...(quaker oat)..

I wear a size M on most of my attire, UK size 10..i have to opt for L on my slacks n trousers due to my height n i can now fit back in my wedding dress..its somethg to me..I know it'll b a long long journey to get a fab abs or it mite not even be firm anymore..the same goes to my Bre**t...im sure they'll never get back to its original form.. but its ok..its a sacrifice for my husband n most importantly my son..i hope one fine day they'll appreciate it...

Again I wisht to stress out..this is just an entry..a long due entry..no one in the past weeks have offended me on this weight issue..I just wish to share with u guys my feelings on this weight issue...

The first....

Harris was down wif fever last wednesday... after picking him up from his bbsitter..i thot it was just a mild one ..but wen i checked OMG!!! .his tempreture was above 38 Celcius..so off i went to the my GP near our hse..so the doc said..yeah..he has a slight fever..somehow the thermometer at the clinic read 37.8C...at 4am the following morning..his temperature rose again..so i decided..im gonna c his pead at SJMC..paid or not..(coz harris has never been sick since birth..so ths was the first panic attack i had..(hehe..x lah panic gila..but blur lah gak..)

So i called ING the first thg in the morning..they said can b covered..but the process leceh..so I resorted for the easiest way..PAY FIRTS..REIMBURSE later..so went to the GP again..ask for reffereal to SJMC..then went to SJMC coz i have already booked an appointment earlier..Harris was ok..but seem a bit weak..he had developed diarrhea.. hubby was working so I had to settle this all alone..thank god for MIL maid..(she's helping out at my place..but going back with FIL tommorow) !!! i could'nt imagine going thru the kiosk alone...SJMC parking was a mess as there were building a new parking complex..so i resorted to valet..as It was faster n nearer..if not have to walk for miles!!!

Met Dr. Ali (yes kay..Dr. Ali...hahahhahaha (kay n i stumbled upon harris paed at mothercare just recently..he was with his wife..n we had the shock of our lives..heheheheh) but anyway he immediately recognized me..(how could he not....) I briefed him..n immediately he said..food poisoning...due to mismanagement of bottles..most likely at his bbsitter..fever due to diarrhea...so he just asked me to look out if harris vomits..if so bring him in..but if not..should be ok..

So i have been on standby mode ever since...his diarrhea has subsided..althou there r still a number of bowel movements..I forgot to ask Dr. Ali..how long will diarrhea last..thank god for Dr. Google..hehhe apparently diarrhea in children last a bit longer than adults..but no more than two weeks..as of yesterday harris had one major bowel movement n 2 very minor..so i guess hes recovering..n is active as ever..his fever has gone..thank god...n no vommiting at all..im taking that as a good sign..

So that was my first major panic period with harris..after 6.5 months..phew..well as they say..there's always a first time...

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On another note..thank GOD my team made it thru to the semi's..I miss TOTTI thou...wish he'd still play for the Azzuri...huhu..im unable to watch due to my padawan..but my heart goes to them...

P/s: my parents will b going to Portugal n Spain end of ths week..dad has a conference or watsoever..wat should i kirim??? can't thk of anythg that cud wud be cheap there..any ideas??

The multiple story n ad

I lost Weight..HURRAH..have tons more to go..but I lost 5 Kilos in 6Months..not bad..hail BF n CORSETS....The CORSET cost me a BOMB thou i know the price should be atleast half of the market price if not lower....but hell IT WORKS..n its a lifetime investment that can b paid in 2Years...I am not a person who can replace my meals with other stuff..I cannot b trusted in going to the gym religiously so I opted for the easiest method in to burn my stubborn kilos..which is using a corset..of course it was SoOOOO menyeksakan at first..but after a week i got used to it..n now..it doesn't even bother me....hehehe wats more im losing my pounds w/o having to starve...To b honest i don't support any MLM products because i know they cost u more than the normal item..but this corset is exceptional as it really snugs..but pls..pls..pls don't be fooled by the infra red stuff they claim...my husband had a fit laughing about this infra red stuff...heheheh but i believe losing weight thru corset works just like the way a ring impacts the area u wear it on a finger..if u constantly wear ur ring on that particular finger..that area will b a bit more smaller compared to the rest of the finger..so i guess the theory works for our body as well..(this is my theory only..heheh)

But i I still have kilos to shoot..n when is my B**ST ever going to decrease in size...tension...


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This section is for harris aunty n uncle n nani (If she's reading!!)..he likes horsey so u guys know wat to get for his year old birthday..HHHAhhahahahahhahha (Gelak evil)..no lah just kidding but if u wanna give apa salahnya....hehehehehe (gelak evil lagi)...problem is this horse is bought in JAPAN...har..har..har

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My parents r selling thier property in Bangi..its in Bangi Perdana..very2 near amenities...intrested let me know..

here r the details..

• 20'x70" very2 spacious as there r no column in the middle
  
• 4R 3B
• intermediate lot
• Walking distance to shops, 7Eleven, surau, school
  
• Selling for RM260K
  (nego)
• The hse is actually a weekend hse..so its still in very2 good condition

my other siblings

from left: idris,weezal,me n imran



ps: imran lg muka cina dr idris....

6 months

Today my PADAWAN turns 6 Months..wow how time flies...


let's see his milestone..

*love to smile..Which melts my heart..
*loves to guling-guling..
*lifts his butt high..but fall flat back..
*sleeps on his side..n sleeps with legs crossed like mama..sgt comey!!
*distracted easily aka kepoh..time nursing pantang ada org ckp nak toleh..
*sleeps through the night and only nurses in near subuh..phew!!...thank god..
*has started his first solid...n seems to be enjoying it..
*giggles like hell eventhou ppl only wink at him...(ntah pape..)
*likes to be in a standing position..
*suck on practically everything..
*Loves to put his toes in his mouth..nak jadi gymnast agaknya
*loves watching tv
*not grumpy waking up..thank god...


I can never thank god enough for giving me this bundle of joy...